Shell
by Writer Awakened
Summary: Rated for violence, horror, and nongraphic sensuality. Shell: a thing left behind when something dies. Elly tends to the broken pieces. Fei/Elly, in a way.


Shell

-

Elly lay face-up on an uncovered bed, with one inhumanly strong hand throttling her neck and choking the tears from her eyes. This was the single most terrifying and erotic moment of her life.

"What is it?" growled the man, flexing his arm, tweaking his hand around Elly's bare neck. "Is that it? Is that everything you have for me? After all this time, after I've become free once again, now, _now_ you're this weak?"

Cold fingertips gouged into Elly's skin and pressed. Not-Fei suspended his entire body save one tensed arm above the bed, his paled face saying nothing, his eyes burning, convulsing in the dark. Each of his breaths was taken with a wild, empowered confidence—a mad feeling bringing about insane shivers through his spine. To him it was akin to dancing in a bloodbath, or smashing someone in the face. Elly shivered. Yggdrasil was cold. The whole world was cold. There was some cold draft coming in from somewhere, icing over her naked body.

"Come on, woman," Id said, pressing harder, waiting an inordinately long time for Elly to finally suffocate. "Come on, can't you get a little bit more help than this? Are you this helpless a fighter without your little virgin Gear?"

Elly writhed about, unable to even acknowledge Id's idle taunts.

"Don't worry," Id said in something only slightly more real than a cold monotone, "I won't do anything else to you or to your body. You have my word about that."

"S-s-s…"

"What?"

"St-t—tttttt—"

Id's eyes gleaned. The purple-black darkness had made the room still. The asylum-green walls and the icy floor and the uncomfortable beds lined two in a row were all silent during the night. Elly's struggles, even, were all silent, grasping onto the assailant's arm, digging her ruby-red nails fruitlessly into his rock skin. The most frightening aspect of her fight was her legs—usually supple and vibrant, now the young lady couldn't even find the strength to swing them up and kick the man in the abdomen. No, but maybe the most frightening aspect was how she couldn't pretend anymore that this Not-Fei was really Fei on top of her, being with her, controlling her and protecting her, but controlling her.

No, but maybe the most frightening aspect was that Id, his hands in shadows fisting the breath from her mouth and the rose from her cheeks, his frame only a mysterious silhouette in the dark, still aroused her beyond belief, and that if only a little bit of the pain went away, everything would be fine.

"Spit it out," Id taunted. He didn't want to hear, and wasn't even going to listen to her tell him to stop, but his hand loosened his deathgrip around Elly's neck slightly, and when he did, his body shivered. "Ah!" -to himself- "Just now, that—why did that just feel so—"

"S-stop! _Stop_!" Elly screamed, gasping for breath. "Please!"

_No, this isn't happening! _she thought._ No! Fei, come back. Come back!_

Id looked down at Elly. "Please what? Spit it out!"

"Please don't," she gasped. "Don't do this. Please, F…F… F-Fei…"

For a precious moment, nothing. Id clenched his jaw and seemed unable to even render his thoughts clear. His eyes, so clear and ever present in the dark, were now filled with an indecipherable stew of emotions.

"_What_?" Id finally spat. His grip tightened around her neck and she gasped, her arms quivering. Elly's eyes, finally adjusted to the dark, saw a remarkable change in the man. His boastful confidence in his short breaths became furious huffs, his body drew tantalizingly closer to hers, and his hand tightened around her neck until it was a battle just to stay conscious.

"_What?" _Id said again. "What?" he said. "What? _What_? Why—would you _ever_ call me that? Why? Say my name. My _real_ name."

Elly grunted, writhing. The grip loosened around her neck until the pressure was, at the very least, tolerable. Another shiver through her body, another cold fire down her spine, this one seeming even closer to rapture. It was as if her whole body acted against her will, lighting her whole frame a rich rose color, leaving her lower body to twitch and want helplessly. She ground her teeth together. Looking into his eyes like hellfire was painful; still, she couldn't look away, and his gaze drew seamlessly into hers.

"I said, say my name! You can't hope to make me lose control like this without consequence! Say it!"

"D-d-don't…" –Elly gasped for air—"make me…make me…" –another gasp for breath—"make me—say that."

"Say it," Id said. His hand still hung there around her neck, drumming against her skin, grinding into the flesh. "Say my name. Or else I'll either turn and go away or make this grasp tighter, and you don't want either one."

_At least don't just choke me, don't touch my neck_, Elly thought, Elly tried not to think. _At least touch me there, touch my breasts, rip them off—no, no, no! Don't think that, don't do that, don't even come near me, just go away, bring Fei back, it's only Fei who can make me feel all right, make me feel good_.

"N-n-no." Elly said at last, struggling to look away. "You just want me to acknowledge you."

"Hateful…what a hateful, pitiful woman you are." Id sneered. His voice was cold, but to Elly it sounded like it was only hiding some hidden, rolling fire. "_Hateful_! But listen. I could do much the same thing. I could show much the same hate. I could take this whole body away, strand myself on some island, starve myself, kill myself, and then what would that make you?"

For what seemed like forever, there was nothing. Elly's lips couldn't fathom the words, and her mind didn't even try. It felt like something else was taking control. It was just another, just another loss of control again. The whole room was asylum-green again, the floors were cold metal, and there were dead bodies behind her, and there were drugs in her system again, and she was stranded in a burning town again, and now Not-Fei was taking away the hand wringing her neck and saying if she didn't say it he'd leave forever and never see her again—

"Id!" Elly screamed. Id pulled his arm away and Elly bolted upright. Elly's entire body quaked. Her eyes pierced the air through to the man across from her. Her lips and every nerve sensor in her body had become one, and now the whole little word resonated like thin metal through her head. Id, Id, Id! Scream it, scream it, if that's what it takes! Just give me him back, give me him back!

"Id! _Id_! Id, Id, Id, Id, Id, Id, _Id_!"

The blank eyes stared at her form. "Close enough. I could have expected you'd say it sooner or later."

-

Elhaym sat in the lounge of the Yggdrasil. She dressed in normal clothing, foregoing her usual Solarian outfit in exchange for a modest gray-brown ensemble loosely resembling casual Nisan attire.

"I haven't seen the—the _other_ Fei since that time on the upper deck," Elly said honestly, as she had yet to know the horrors of the following night. She folded her hands and looked up expectantly into the doctor's face. Some big, loud, throbbing part of her wished that there were some strange secret super remedy to help Fei that maybe the doctor had yet to magically unveil from his collection. Citan's glasses slipped down his nose, so he straightened them and cleared his throat.

"That is good. It certainly seems as if Taura's treatment worked. Honestly, I might have been a bit skeptical had I not seen the results for myself. I have no doubts in my mind about old Taura's abilities, of course, but…well, maybe I thought this problem would be a bit more difficult to remedy."

"Yes, but, Citan? Even with all this, I still can't help but feel afraid. And today, earlier, I felt something really strange. Really odd…like a premonition."

Citan's eyes narrowed. "A premonition?"

"Yes. I don't know how to explain it, but- it was almost like…a feeling of fear. I was afraid, and Fei was afraid, too. Everything was dark, and I think I heard Fei crying. I don't understand what it means, but I could…feel everything Fei felt, and I felt terrible. As if something inside me wanted to die so much that it was strangling me from the inside. Citan, what does it mean?"

"Well," Citan said, after a contemplative moment, "they say everyone is a little bit clairvoyant. But I do not think there is anything to be concerned about. The best thing you can do for Fei is to support him. If you are that concerned for him, then be with him. Especially in those peaceful times when nothing happens; I think those are the times he treasures most. And maybe that is because—no, never mind. I have probably said too much anyway."

"No, don't worry. In fact, keep talking. I don't mind."

Citan looked up and over at her. Something in the way his eyes were somewhere else, in some other time or some other world somehow unnerved Elly. Citan "hmmm-mmm"-ed.

"It's only because I don't want him to suffer any more," Elly said. "Sometimes I think that whenever Fei is in pain, he wants someone there to comfort him. If he said he wanted to be alone and walked away, for example, I wouldn't believe him. He would just want someone to follow him and cheer him up. I know this because—because I'm the same way. I don't know where he is now. I want to tell him. I want to tell him what I think, I want to tell him I-I really love him, I want to tell him that I don't think I could live without him. I want to tell him there's nothing to worry about, that I know everything he's suffering with, but…I don't know. I don't know how much I could really do to help. I feel the same way I did before…helpless, and I can't even say anything to him for fear of making him feel worse."

_I hate myself, _Elly thought._ I hate who I am. But I love him. And we're the same…how can that be?_

"What?" Elly said, shaking her head as the doctor finished speaking. "My mind was somewhere else. What did you say?"

"I said that you would be surprised what you could yourself do for him."

"Oh. I- I see."

-

A long, long time, for what seemed like an eternity, Elly spent staring up at the dark ceiling. It was still night, as evidenced by a handy little panel near her bed showing her the time of day, and by evidenced by the panel, it was no great length after midnight. The time was experienced in a state sliding from consciousness into dream and back again. The faint images of people in her dream became half-shadows in the dark room when she woke again, blending until Elly almost believed she was both awake and asleep at the same time. At some point, her eyes closed themselves and a moving picture—maybe a dream, maybe a memory, maybe both—played inside her head. An indeterminate stretch of time passed.

A bloodcurdling scream, and Elly woke, bolted upright in her bed, her entire nude body drenched in cold sweat.

_Was that…me?_

Elly wiped the sweat from her face and made sure she remembered to breathe deeply. It was a nightmare. The memory was still so strong—the feeling of hands around her neck, the distinct smell of Fei and testosterone burning off like rocket fuel, and the sight of cold, hot, freezing, burning eyes looking at her, looking _over_ her.

_But my neck, _Elly thought, too numb and tired to feel afraid, _feels like a hammer has pounded it. And that must mean that everything really happened. Why can't I remember it? How long ago did it happen?_

"Why did you leave?" Elly said tentatively to the darkness. There was briefly no answer.

"You needed to rest, didn't you?" It was a familiar voice, from the other side of the room and drawing closer. "You looked like you were about to die."

Elly gasped. That voice, it was—!

"Fei!"

Nothing. Then, "I told you not to make that mistake. Just because we have the same body doesn't mean we are the same person. And neither are you." The voice was standing over Elly now, and two eyes were boring politely into the ceiling.

"No…no…" Elly squeaked. It was a simple mistake to make; even if their voices were somewhat different, they were still the same person, Fei and Id. Still…it was him. Him again! Tears streamed down Elly's pale cheeks without any accompanying sound. "Why?"

"Why?" Id said. "Why was I so angry? Why did I lose control? Hhm hm. Wouldn't you lose control if you knew I thought of you as the 'other Elly'?"

"I—never said—you were—"

"You never _said_ it to me. But I know you think about me only as the 'other'. You picture his face over mine whenever you see me, or maybe under mine. I don't even think you understand. I hate Fei, _hate_ him. Sniveling little wimp. I hate him as much as you hate _your_ other side. Or wait, maybe that was only when you took the 'Drive'? Or was that the _real_ you? You might have even attacked 'me'! Ha ha…ah ha ha ha!"

"No, don't do this." It hurt. "It hurts…" It hurt more than when Id had strangled her. At least then there had been some solid physical connection that could have been cut off suddenly and absolutely, like a limb dangling by sinews, but _now_? No no no no _NO_! It felt to Elly like something bad was alive inside her, writhing, thrashing, trapping her in, depressing her if she rolled over on her back, depressing her if she rolled over on her side, depressing her if she even sat up or tried to speak. "It hurts…"

"Don't blubber," Id said, turning to look down at her. "Don't _blubber_. Now you know what it feels like to be compared to—" –a tone of complete hatred- "_someone else_."

"Fei, please come back. I know you're there. I know you remember who I am. Come out." Elly sat upright again and turned to look Id in the face. "Come back. Please come back."

"You know who I am," Id said. "But do you know why I am who I am?" He reached out his arm, hand clamping around Elly's jaw and squeezing. There it was again, she thought, the terrible feeling of hot, intimate pain in her body like a warm chill.

"Do you know why I do what I do, why I kill, why I'm such a devil? I want other people to feel what it feels like to suffer. I want to grab them by the face and turn them toward me so they can see all the bad things in my eyes behind this little mask. I want everyone else to understand how it feels to be utterly helpless and watch everything you love flutter away. That is a good thing. And you…I know people like you. You see, in this world, one must either be one who bends or one who breaks. You're the kind of person who breaks, aren't you? No, not just that. You're the type who wants others to bend you. And you want to help others when you haven't even helped yourself? Is that the naivete of seventeen years of youth or ten thousand?"

Elly shuddered. Her breaths were sharp and uneven through her nose, and she screamed against the man's hand.

"Do you know of the subconscious? How things could have reasons and explanations we don't even realize? Even if the conscious mind wants something so strongly, there's always the subconscious mind waiting there, hiding, lurking. It is perfect! It's the explanation for every inexplicable emotion. It's the reason why we do what we do or think what we think, even it's against our will. It chains us, doesn't it? What does your subconscious say, woman?"

_Shut up. Stop talking. Either kill me or give back Fei. I'll get him back even I have to beat every inch of this personality out of him, I swear I will. I have to. Soon._

"You won't even acknowledge me anymore? Ha ha. That's fine. I don't really care either way. Let me answer my question. Your subconscious is telling you to fight. You think you want to run away, and you're probably trying to look for any reason not to fight, am I right? It's too difficult to live in an imperfect world, one where everyone murders, steals, and hates. But in the end, you always find yourself fighting, right? That's it, the way of the world. As much as you want to run away, you always end up fighting. For that reason, how can you consider yourself better than me, O holy Mother? You might have different reasons for fighting, but the result is always the same. You like to think of yourself as right, but you're no more sacred than I am…and neither is the coward."

_All I have to do, _Elly thought, ignoring the pain surging through her jaw, _is focus my Ether directly at his chest. It shouldn't kill him, but hopefully it will hurt him enough to break his control over Fei's personality. Please…oh, please work. The moment he releases his hand, I strike._

"You don't have to be like this. You don't have to be so weak," Id said, and he bent over, his face only a breath's distance from hers. "You could be worth saving. You're not worthless or insignificant. I think there's still something inside you worth saving. Don't you want that? To be saved?"

_No, no, shut up. You don't know what I want. Why is my body feeling like this? Why can't I control this feeling? I don't want this! You're not really Fei. I don't want this feeling from _you

"You understand what I can do," Id said. "If I wanted to, I could rip this ship in two with my Gear. Both of us know that. But do you know why I haven't killed everyone here? I don't even think I know that. Funny."

Elly squirmed, her curses muffled by Id's hand. The moment he moved away, the moment his eyes stopped leering menacingly into hers, the moment his body moved slightly away from hers…

_Let me go. Let me go, you false bastard. Do it, just do it…_

"The problem is, you don't even know what truth really is yet. One day, you'll understand."

Id released his grip on Elly's jaw and wholly expected her to clutch onto it with her own, perhaps to soothe the pain, or maybe just to bring the feeling back. Instead, as he rose to his feet, Elly sprung up from the bed, the rod under her mattress vibrating with energy, her hands trembling with a sudden arcane force.

"W-what?" Id blurted, just as Elly's two hands, palms outstretched, collided with his heavy chest. There was a sudden, massive drop in temperature concentrated like a stab the size of a fist. A force like a blizzard buried into Id's chest, a large spire of ice forming from Elly's chest and powered solely by the overwhelming churning of her mind. Id's eyes opened and his body shivered madly. One quick movement and surge of ice had frozen his arrogance and left only coldness and a world-shattering scream behind.

"_**Aaaaaauuuggggghhh!"**_

_What an appropriate way to die, you fake personality, you wretched false existence, _Elly thought. For one moment, as her Ether force tunneled into Id's chest, Elly's voice speaking to herself changed. It was the voice from an aslylum-green hall with cold metal floors with dead bodies behind it, the voice from a throat hyped up with stimulants without any sense of remorse or sense of self. _What an appropriate way to die, _it repeated to her, _your arrogant fire turned to ice. You deserve every moment of this, every moment of your suffering, you herded sheep. You deserve to die._

Not-Fei fell backwards, mask first followed by his armored body and the chest pierced by a burst of Ether. He hit the ground with a terrible 'thud'. From that moment on, as Elly watched from her bed, the fallen figure groaned, weakly mouthing curses and occasionally saying the word "El-ly" as though it were the name of some angel in heaven far away. To Elly, time was so far away, and she sat there on her bed, thoughtless, nearly breathless, waiting, without any sense of such faraway time, with barely a sense of self.

Before Elly realized it, the little panel on the wall told her it was morning, and the figure on the ground was Fei again, not breathing and without a pulse. In the night, it seemed, he had died along with Id. Elly fell to her bare knees on the cold metal floor and cried.

-

On the upper level of the Gun Room, as Elly and Citan returned to their rooms, they saw Fei standing, quiet and introspective. His whole manner was sheepish.

"Hey, Elly. Sorry, I heard you and the doc talking."

"Oh," Elly said. Her face tinged a slight red and she nibbled at her lower lip. "How much?"

Fei shrugged. "All of it. Sorry."

"No, it's okay…" Elly said. "It wasn't supposed to be a secret."

"Were you really that worried about me?"

"I just want to help you, Fei," Elly said. "I want to help you with whatever you're struggling with. I don't want to see you suffer."

"Elly…I don't want to see you suffer either. Whenever I see you feeling sad or upset…it really makes me feel awful. It makes me want to do something to help you, but I don't always know the right words to say."

"Oh, Fei…"

"Well, maybe I should leave you two alone for a moment," Citan said, quietly slipping into the conversation with the sole intent of slipping away. "Oh, and, Fei? Have you been getting enough sleep? You look exhausted."

"Well, I guess I haven't been sleeping well for the last few nights. But I'm all right, doc," Fei said. "I've been feeling more stress than I usually do, but…I'm fine. You don't have to worry too much about me. I'll find my way."

"Yes, of course," said Citan. His voice, Elly thought, still carried the same practical melancholy it had before. She supposed it was just his way, but she wondered if he, too, was concerned for Fei. Citan straightened up and smiled just a little. "Well, until later."

"Alone again, huh?" Fei said after Citan walked away. He smiled clearly so that Elly could see.

"Yeah, we are. I-"

"Elly, please don't worry about me. It isn't just because of the emotional controller Taura put into me. I feel that I have something to fight for now. I'm not just jumping into a Gear and hurting people any more. I have a reason to be strong and a good reason to kill. I'm not doing it just…because…anymore. So please, Elly. Don't worry."

"I…oh!" Elly leapt forward and threw her arms around Fei, closing her eyes and embracing him with every inch of her skin. She could feel his arms around her, his head resting against her shoulder. Something in Fei's voice made Elly believe everything he said, as much as she doubted and feared it. When anyone else said it, it was just idle consolation; they couldn't really know, they could never know for sure. But when Fei said it, somehow it was true. It _had_ to be.

"Don't worry, Elly. Everything's going to be all right."


End file.
